Ellimere's Guide To Socialising
by Valentine's Riddle
Summary: Some random drabbles! Letters from Ellimere to Lirael, light humour but not much else. Nix fans R&R, please! Riddle x


**A/N: Ok,**** this has been floating around for a while and I thought I'd publish it. T****his is completely and utterly random drabble, of Garth Nix's The Old Kingdom series (Abhorsen series, to some), a real favourite of mine. Th****ese are**** letter****s**** written by Ellimere to Lirael, describing some of the social customs at Court, taking place a while after Nicholas Sayre and the Creature in the Case (the post-Abhorsen novella by Nix). Things like that always interest me (Pride and Prejudice, anyone?!), all those little details that people always seem to**** make a huge fuss about, and they**** just came out- ****some**** light humour, in which I t****ry to explore Ellimere's character****. Probably not for most, but if there are any Nix fans out there, I'd lov****e to hear what you think about them**

**I also have a rather ****more ****lengthy**** Ab****h****orsen story (focused around Lirael) floating around half-completed- is anyone interested?**

**Riddle x**

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_Dear Lirael_

_I hope all is well at Abhorsen's House! Life at the Palace is becoming far more interesting as Carnival approaches, and I do so hope you'll join us in a week or two. The festivities in Belisaere are stunning and I'm sure you won't see anything like it at the Clayr's Glacier! All the streets are hung with paper chains, garlands, roses, masks, paper lanterns, there are candles simply everywhere, so it seems bright even at night, when the flames reflect off the waters of the Sea of __Saere__, bright enough to see even from my bedroom window in the West Tower. At this time of year, we all wear masks in public, and the costumes and dresses are fabulous. Of course, we reserve our best finery for the Ball of the Masque at the Palace, and you simply __**must**__ come! I won't have you missing your first ever Carnival Ball, with the chance to dress up, and you can come and see all my friends. Don't worry, Nicholas and Sam will be there too, so if I go over the top in attempting to introduce you to society you can go and be antisocial with them! I can't wait until you see the costumes. Mine is a Bride, all white, and yours is a cat, a black and silver silk creation that's so stunning I wanted to wear it, but unfortunately for me, you're about four dress sizes and six inches shorter than me..._

_Even Nicholas is excited, bless him. I think he's rather bemused by our festivals, you know, as much as he tries to bluff his way through any problem he's confronted with. I laughed so much the other day when he accidentally used the Ancelstierran expression "okay" in front of the Ambassador to the North- apparently it's some sort of insult up there- and he managed to pretend it was a cough. You can tell he's a politician's son. In fact, I believe my father would like him to join the service of the Old Kingdom in such a capacity, which I'm sure he will excel at, and his magic is coming on very fast. He doesn't even need a teacher- he is just as much of a bookworm as Sam, if rather more charming, and I keep muddling their names up, would you believe! It doesn't go down well, as Nick insists he's taller than Sam and Sam insists he's better looking than Nick! I personally don't think so, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose..._

_I'm so glad you're alright after the brush with that Dead thing on the Findlay Ferry. Mother was worried sick, you know- a few years ago such a report reached her, and it turned out to be a trap, but she said you handled it swimmingly, and you certainly seem to have settled into your new duties as Abhorsen. I'm very glad, as it means you don't have as much training to do and I can spend the __spring instructing you in your __**other**__ duties, those of a Princess of the Kingdom! Which means clothes and etiquette, and handsome young suitors, of which I'm sure Nicholas will number! _

_I can hear your complaints now, and suffice it to say that if you aren't at Carnival in two weeks, I will fetch the Guard and ride down to the House to besiege you until you come. Sam already told you I'm stubborn, didn't he? Be there, or I'll arrange your marriage to __someone__ heinous! Don't think I'll show mercy!_

_Your loving niece,_

_Princess Ellimere, Heir Apparent_

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_Dear Lirael_

_I heard that you will be __with us__ for the __Carnival__! I am so glad, but I am afraid that I will be in High Bridge serving with the Guards __until __the __day before __and so I won't be able to introduce you to the social scene as I promised. However, here is a little guide that I've been working you, so hopefully you'll be able to manage even without my help. At least, until I get there!_

_Enjoy!_

_Ellimere's Guide to Socialising_

_Now, this is only a rough guide to help you along. I'm sure you'll be fine without it, but __**just in case**_

_1) Dress. Now, I know your primary example for this is my Mother, but please, please, PLEASE don't start wearing your surcoat and bells to society functions or dinner. According to Sameth, this "Death Sense" of yours will warn you of any trouble, so you can go and get your bells in the unlikely (well, kind of) chances of __Jall__ Oren's turning out to be a corpse in disguise__. In the meantime, wear a dress, please. V-necks suit you, as do corsets, and swallow-tail sleeves. Steer clear of red or gold at court, but make the most of the green, blue and silver you are entitled to wear, and black and white can be worn anywhere except __Petty or Criminal __Court (where you shouldn't be going anyway!). Oh, and make sure your underskirt matches your dress. You may think "it doesn't show, so it doesn't matter", but, seriously, if you end up __**in flagrante**__ and you're hiding something like that... the court in Belisaere is small, Lirael, and people talk. A lot. Don't ask me how I know this; just know that it took three and a half years before people would shut up about a certain indiscretion of mine ...__ I'm lucky I'm the Heir Apparent, because for a normal debutante? Social suicide. I'm not even exaggerating._

_2) Eating. Yes, I know the Clayr don't eat stupid dishes like stuffed crab and believe me, I applaud them- I have never yet seen a fat Clayr, I must admit. However, at feasts, especially hosted by someone important, you HAVE TO EAT! They take it as an insult if you don't, and often, if they serve something disgusting, it's a __**test of faith**__. You must try and eat it, try not to throw up, and fix a nice big smile on your face even if it feels like two Hish are doing battle in your stomach. If you really feel ill, plead __**headache**____NOT __**indigestion **__or__ anything that could be taken as an insult to their food. I also noticed that you have a habit of flicking food you don't like into your napkin. Don't. It's painfully obvious to a) someone neurotic about __manners, like me, __**and**__ b) a lovesick swain who can't keep his eyes off you, __like __N.S. __(oh, was that obvious? I'm __**so**__ sorry!)_

_3) Servants. They're there to serve you. I know in the__ Clayr you take turns. But here, they're __**there to serve you**__ and __**we pay them well**__. Remember that, because in the Palace at Belisaere, attempting to take your own __dirty __plate to the kitchen makes you look both socially retarded and ill bred. Sorry to be mean, but in this case, I have to be cruel to be kind._

_4) Rejection. I know you're shy. But when a man comes to talk to you, running off to "make a cup of tea" for forty-five minutes just because you don't want to "make him feel bad" isn't the best idea. Just ignore him and flirt outrageously with someone else until he gets the picture..._

_5) Schmoozing and Flirting. Now, you actually need more instruction on this, which I won't write down because I'm running out of paper. But, the main pointers:_

_- For both: __Don't be so scared! Remember, you're the Abhorsen-in-Waiting, the Queen's sister (a PRINCESS, technically!), and a Daughter of the Clayr. You are__ as blue-blooded as any of them, so there's no need to hide behind your damned hair every time some horrible debutante corners you..._

_- Flirting: Not one of your fortes, so don't attempt it for now. Just remember, all you need is a smile and a decent conversation and you're on to a winner._

_- How to Deal __with__ Debutantes: They are horrible, I know. You can't blame them- in the world of the debutante it's eat or be eaten. Don't let them walk all over you. You're just as pretty as they are, just as rich as they are, and rather better-connected than they are. A sharp tongue and a frosty silence is all that is ever needed to deal with one who hasn't learnt her place!_

_6) Dancing: Don't attempt the group dances until you're sure you can handle it, but couple dances are easy, and a great way to meet new people. __There are only two main rules:_

_a) You can't accept someone for a dance which you've already refused to someone else. Aside from insulting, it's just plain mean._

_b) Dancing once with someone is polite__, and doesn't mean anything__. Dancing twice with someone shows special favour__, close friendship, or, if they are a blood relative, unbelievable boredom__. Dancing three times with someone to whom you are not engaged? Nothing short of scandalous, darling, so only attempt it if you need a distraction from something you've done that's even __**worse**- __or are hinting heavily..._

_7) That hideous red waistcoat. Couldn't you get the sendings to make it into a jacket, or something? It's just so... lumpy._

_8) TALK, for the sake of the Charter!_

_9) Greeting people: For a woman you don't know a kiss on the cheek. A close female friend, kiss on both cheeks. __A man you don't know, allow him to kiss your hand (if he doesn't do that, he's obviously ill-bred and not worth greeting anyway). Treat a man you know well like a woman you don't know well._

_10) Above all, don't do anything drastic without my approval. Consider me your social guardian angel. I'm cruel because I care._

_I hope this helps!_

_Ellimere, Heir Apparent__ and your loving niece._

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_**A/N: **__**Another**__** drabble, another Nix drabble, another letter from Ellimere to Lirael, written on the same day. I like my version of **__**Ellimere,**__** she seems to be quite a useful person to have around!**_

_**Riddle x**_


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